


Dark Leaves

by assortedfruitsnacks212



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Camping, Dead People, Demonic Possession, F/M, Forest Sex, Forests, Halloween, Horror, Mating Rituals, Modern Era, Pagan Gods, Paganism, Possession, Psychic Abilities, Rituals, Spooky, Supernatural Elements, Survival Horror, Talking To Dead People, Trickster Gods, Witchcraft, Witches, tis the season my children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-13 08:42:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20579693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assortedfruitsnacks212/pseuds/assortedfruitsnacks212
Summary: Modern supernatural horror AU. In the wake of Han Solo's passing from cancer, Rey takes Ben on a camping trip in an isolated spot in the woods. She doesn't tell him at first, but it used to be his family's favorite camping spot years ago, before he was even born.However, their trip takes a dark turn. Something is lurking in those woods, a shadow of an old tragedy----and it wants Ben.





	1. The Dome House

She had never been here before, but it felt like coming home. She could let herself rest here. Maybe even heal.

Rey leaned against the door of the car, one hand on the steering wheel, the other sticking out into the wind. The sun was bright, the temperature cool but not too cool, the world around her so red and yellow it made her soul ache. On the stereo, turned up loud enough to be heard over the wind, a female crooner plucked a guitar and sang about old pines and weeping willows.

Everything was perfect - except for one thing.

Rey glanced at the figure in the passenger seat. Dressed in a red flannel and jeans, he was folded uncomfortably into the upholstered chair, his massive body almost too big for it. He was looking out the window, face blank, seemingly unaffected by the colorful autumn world. Even the wind didn't seem to affect him as it whipped his dark, shoulder-length hair around his face. A month ago he would've gotten annoyed and reached in the back seat for a baseball cap. Today he'd just pulled back the worst of it, and now he was letting the rest run wild.

It was cute, yeah. Unbelievably so. 

But it was completely unlike Ben Solo.

Rey sighed inwardly and looked back at the road. _ Just give him time. __You're not even a day into the trip yet. _

She glanced at the phone adhered magnetically to the windshield. GPS said they were only ten minutes away. Seeing that, she couldn't help but smile.

“Almost there,” she shouted over the wind.

Broken out of his trance by her voice, Ben let his gaze slide over to the map on her phone. Then, without a word - or even a grunt of acknowledgment - he looked back out the window.

Rey bit her lip, trying to rein in her frustration. _ Time. Give him time. _

The next five minutes passed in silence, with the occasional flash of another car on the two-lane highway. It was more awkward than Rey would've liked, and she focused hard on the music, mouthing the words when she knew them. At the halfway mark, they turned onto a twisting road that had clearly seen better days. The woods stepped up to the very edge of the road, and signs of civilization diminished to the rare mailbox standing at a tilt, or a mysterious driveway curving back into the trees.

Heart thrilling, Rey reached out to turn off the music. She wanted to hear the sounds of the woods: the birds singing to each other, the insects buzzing in flight, the susurrus of the wind in the boughs. She was amply rewarded; the woods were playing their own music, with the creaking of tree trunks as the bass line and birdsong as the melody. Its whispers seemed to reach in and stroke her hair with gentle fingers, saying,_ Everything will be okay. Count on it._

Rey glanced at Ben again. He was more attentive now, actively looking around at the trees - interested, almost confused, she thought. It gave her a spark of hope, and she looked back at the road with a smile.

Finally, after five more minutes of twisting through the woods, a lone mailbox came up on the left side of the road. A look at the GPS confirmed what she suspected: this was it. Biting back a grin, Rey pulled onto the dirt-and-gravel driveway, maneuvering around a large pothole right near the mailbox. As the gravel crunched beneath the tires, the driveway took them back into the deep woods - back, back, back - so far that Rey felt swallowed up by a slumbering beast.

Then, unfolding before them like a revelation, a great, big clearing came into view. A large garden stood straight ahead, fenced in with wood, tall with the last sunflowers of the season. To the left, a white dome house peeked shyly through the trees, curious about its new visitors. To the right, the woods stretched on into darkness, whispering of secrets and the unknown.

Rey pulled up in front of the garden and stopped next to a red Range Rover. Throwing the car in park, she rolled up the windows and turned off the engine.

“This is it,” she announced, grinning at Ben.

He peered past her at the white dome house. His eyes were droopy, his brows slack. In a word, he looked...unimpressed. “I thought we were going camping,” he drawled.

Rey huffed. Sometimes he was impossible to please. “I told you, we are. I got permission to camp on private property.” She grabbed her phone and opened the car door. “Now help me grab the stuff, asshole.”

A minute later, hoisting a large pack on her back, Rey led an equally burdened Ben down the brick path to the dome house. Chickens clucked and scattered out of the way; Rey watched them with a grin, charmed by their presence. Then she approached the front door of the house - no porch, she noted - and knocked.

Barking exploded from inside. Almost immediately, the inner door unlocked and opened. A short, white-haired woman with a kind face looked out at them through the screen door.

“Rey!” she cried, smiling wide.

“Maz!”

Laughing, the woman opened the door and beckoned Rey in for a hug. Rey obliged, her heart swelling in her chest. It had been far too long since she'd seen Maz.

As Rey hugged her, three dogs like giant, fluffy Akitas paced around the inner darkness of the house. They watched her with round eyes, their ears laid flat against their heads. One of them even turned and fled deeper into the house, its tail between its legs.

Rey frowned. “Aw, I scared your pups,” she said as she backed out of the hug.

“Oh, don't worry about them. They're shy - it's the wolf in them.”

Maz looked past Rey at Ben. She hesitated, smile faltering, and for a second her eyes widened. But just as quickly as it happened, it was over, disappearing beneath her kind exterior.

“And you must be Ben Solo,” she said warmly. “Welcome.”

“Thank you.” Ben dipped his head in a semblance of a nod.

Rey blinked. That was...weird. She _ had _ seen that, right? A look in Maz’s eyes like Ben had _scared _her?

She didn’t get the chance to ruminate. Stepping back, Maz gestured them inside. “Come in, come in! Those packs look heavy.”

Holding the screen door open, Rey pushed her way in, maneuvering carefully so her pack would fit through the door. She looked around, drinking in the place. After the sunshine, it felt dim and cool like a cave. It even smelled musty, as if a stream ran under it somewhere. The floor was raw, unfinished plywood, artifacts and banners hung all over the walls, and, to Rey's delight, bookshelves filled with dusty tomes lined the room, imbuing it with an atmosphere of arcane mystery.

Rey glanced behind her as Ben stepped inside. He met her gaze, and she nearly laughed at his wide-eyed expression. _ What have you gotten us into? _it said.

Meanwhile, Maz kept chatting. “I hope you're hungry. I have some fresh homemade soup on the stove. Oh, and I made a batch of iced tea today. Raspberry and mint!”

She led them into the heart of the house, still chatting, as Rey looked around. The house was built in a circle around a large stone fireplace that reached up to meet the apex of the domed ceiling. To the right of the fireplace was a cozy living room with hanging plants, a skylight, and a flat screen television. To the left, a door led into what Rey assumed was a bedroom, and a hallway stretched out of sight into another section of the house. Behind the fireplace, a kitchen bridged the left and right sides of the dome - Rey could see the fridge from here, as well as a few counters and cabinets. And everywhere there were more books and artifacts, covering the walls and lining shelves. It was part museum, part library, part cave.

Rey absolutely loved it.

The dogs peeked out from the bedroom, their dark eyes uncertain. Rey smiled at them. _ I'm a friend, I promise. _

“You can leave your packs by the fireplace,” Maz said as she shuffled into the kitchen. “Your shoes too, if you like. I hope you'll stay a while before heading out?”

“We were planning on it,” Rey answered, shucking her pack onto the floor with a _thump_. She looked at Ben and grinned at how uneasily he did the same. He looked just as nervous as the wolf-dogs, his eyes just as big and dark.

He caught her watching him. To her surprise, his eyes twinkled with sudden humor, and he smirked and shrugged. 

Rey could've laughed. She was so happy to see him react to something.

“Table’s already set for dinner,” called Maz. “Come eat!”

\--

They were sitting around the table, tucking into steaming bowls of soup, when Maz wiped her mouth on her napkin. “So how long will you stay out camping?”

Rey swallowed a mouthful of veggies. “A week. But we might come back earlier. I don’t know, depends on how things go. And the weather…”

She sneaked a look at Ben, who was seated to her right. He was staring down at his soup, stirring it as much as he was eating it. He hadn’t said a word this entire time. Behind him, the giant Akita-wolf-dogs watched them from the safety of the bedroom, their round and fearful eyes glittering in the light from the kitchen.

Maz glanced uncertainly at Ben. How odd, these looks she kept giving him. What was going on?

“Ben, I was...very sorry to hear of your father’s passing,” Maz said.

Rey stopped chewing and looked at Ben in alarm. Ben glanced up at Maz, clearly taken aback.

“Oh, I...thank you,” he stuttered.

“You look so much like him.” Maz smiled, a hint of moisture shining in her eyes. “You must have made him very proud.”

Ben bit his full lower lip. Rey knew exactly what he was thinking: _ It’s complicated. _“You, uh...knew him?”

“Of course. I’ve been here a long time. They used to park their car in front of the garden, just like you did.” Maz stirred her soup and chuckled. “When they came inside, he and your mother were always arguing about something or other. And poor Luke, he hardly knew what to do with himself.” 

Rey nearly choked on her soup. As she lifted her napkin and coughed into it, she looked at Ben with wide eyes. _ Oh god. _

Ben stared at Maz, soup forgotten. “Wait...they used to come here?”

Maz froze. She looked between him and Rey, her brain visibly working. Heaving a sigh, she put down her spoon and leaned back in her chair. “She didn’t tell you.”

His blank stare was answer enough. When Maz turned to Rey, a question on her face, Rey was quick to respond, “It was supposed to be a surprise--”

“What? _ What _was supposed to be a surprise?” Ben snapped.

Rey took a breath. “That your...your family used to camp here. Before you were born. I was going to tell you when we got to the campsite…”

The air crackled with tension. Ben stared at her, then glanced at the table, at the floor, at everything as he wrestled with this revelation. Rey looked pleadingly at Maz, but Maz only shook her head. _ You need to handle this on your own, honey. _

Turning back to Ben, Rey fought for words. “I’m...I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I thought it would...I mean, I hoped it would help.”

Ben said nothing. For a long moment he stared downward, his face a stone mask. Then he pushed back from the table and stood. Not looking at Rey or Maz, he walked to the front door with long, loud strides. As he let himself out, door slamming behind him, Rey felt herself melt into her chair.

Maz reached over and took Rey’s hand. Her eyes were the picture of compassion. 

“He never told you about his family. Did he, dear?”

“No." Rey gazed down at the table. Huffing a joyless laugh, she shook her head. "I guess I should’ve taken a hint. I mean, he didn’t even let me come to the funeral. Who does that, Maz?”

“It’s not your fault. Family is a...tricky business.”

Maz squeezed Rey's hand and withdrew. Picking up her spoon, she resumed stirring her soup. “You should go talk to him. Don’t worry about your dinner - we can reheat it when you come back.”

Rey looked at the front door, worrying her lower lip. With a final glance at Maz, she pushed back from the table, her soul groaning as loud as her chair

As she walked toward the door, she didn’t see the wolf-dogs watching her with round, fearful eyes. And she didn’t see the veil that fell from Maz’s face, revealing an expression of deep concern.

\--

Rey found Ben sitting on the low brick wall by the garden, throwing pebbles in the grass near the chickens. Every time he threw one, the chickens rushed over to it, clucking madly, convinced it was food. In any other circumstance, it might've seemed a cruel trick to play. But Ben was obviously not paying attention. His face was as blank as it'd been on the car ride, his eyes as unfocused.

Rey approached him quietly. When he glanced up at her - briefly, but without hostility - she took it as permission to stay. She eased down onto the wall beside him, her whole body sighing.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he answered. His voice was toneless.

She looked at the chickens, watched them scratch the dirt with their raptor toes. For an instant she felt jealous. How simple life must've been for them - eat, poop, scratch the dirt, repeat.

“I’m…” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t know it would hurt you.”

His face darkened. “No, of course not. It never occurred to you that maybe this was a bad idea, and maybe, just maybe,I wouldn’t want to visit one of my family’s ‘old haunts.’ ” He made air quotes with his fingers.

Rey blinked at him, stung. “Well, you never exactly talked to me about them.”

“Yeah, exactly. I didn’t. You’re telling me you can’t read between the lines?”

He threw another pebble in the grass. Again, the chickens raced to it, none the wiser.

Rey ground her teeth and looked away. Now was not the time to fight, even though he was being unfair. Even though, after months of dating, he _ knew _she didn’t know the first thing about family.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, a little more firmly this time.

He still didn’t look at her. He tossed another pebble, then dropped the rest and folded his arms.

Minutes passed. He said nothing, and neither did she. The chickens clucked, the birds twittered in the trees, and the wind hissed through distant leaves. Occasionally, that same wind picked up Ben's hair and made it dance around his head. Seeing it made Rey soften, and she watched him with large eyes, wishing he'd bend. Wishing he'd forgive.

Finally, he shifted position. “Well…” He licked his lips. “I’m not gonna make us go back. That'd be...pointless.” 

His jaw clenched and unclenched. Clenched and unclenched.

“You’re trying. I get that. So--” he sighed “--I’ll try too.”

Rey brightened. He glanced at her, and a glimmer of mock sternness flashed in his eyes.

“_No _ promises. I just said I’ll try. Okay?”

“Okay.” 

Relief whooshed through Rey like the wind fanning her face. Smiling, she bumped his shoulder with hers. For the first time that day, he returned her smile, dimpled cheeks giving him a bashful look.

“She’s a weird old bat, isn’t she,” he said, voice low.

Rey laughed out loud. “Oh, come on. You love her.”

“As much as I can love any old stoner.”

“Oh my god, she’s not a stoner!”

“Are you kidding? Her house smells like weed. Lavender and weed.”

This time they both laughed. Far above them, two clouds parted, and a shaft of sunlight hit the wall where they sat, warming the brick.

\--

Half an hour later, stinking of bug spray, they walked out of the dome house with their packs on their backs. Maz followed them to the door, a smile on her withered face.

“Enjoy your time out there,” she said. “Just remember, if for _ any _ reason you decide to come back early, you’re welcome to stay here.”

“Thanks, Maz. I think we’ll be fine.” 

Shifting her pack, Rey turned to grin at the old woman. “See you in a few days.”

“That you will.” 

Maz looked at Ben - uncertainly again, Rey thought - but just like before, the uncertainty was quickly submerged. “Behave yourself, young Solo,” she quipped.

“I’ll try,” he replied, dipping his head with a sheepish smile. 

Rey couldn’t help but smirk at him. Ugh, those dimples. He was so, so cute - and she was about to spend a full week alone in the woods with him. Though she took great pains to hide it, the thought made her gut twist in anticipation.

Together, they turned to walk down the path. Before they’d gone even a few steps, Maz called, “Remember, for _ any _reason at all!”

Rey glanced back at her and waved. When she turned back around, she let a frown bloom on her face. God, what was up with Maz today?

Then she noticed Ben watching her with his dark, liquid eyes, and butterflies tickled her stomach. They shared a small smile, and immediately Maz was forgotten.

It may have gotten off to a rough start, but this week would be incredible. Rey could feel it.

\--

As the children retreated down the path toward the trees, Maz watched them from the doorway, brows drawn. Behind her, one of the dogs walked up and poked his nose into the folds of her dress. She reached back to stroke his silken head. 

“Oh, Virgin Diana, protect them,” she whispered, eyes locked on the dark, unnatural shadow that walked beside Ben Solo, disappearing with him into the woods.


	2. Into the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben hike to the campsite. There, Ben sees something terrible out in the woods.

Entering the woods was like entering another world entirely. As Rey stepped past the edge of the trees, she could've sworn her body broke through an invisible veil as gossamer as a spider web. After that, she felt different. Happier. Even with her pack, she stepped lightly along the barely-there path, dry leaves and twigs crunching beneath her feet. 

For a while, she forgot about Ben, except for the sound of his massive body picking its way through the undergrowth. She forgot about his troubles, his family, and his moods. They were traveling through a place out of time, far away from all of that.

The proof? The obscene overabundance of color. The normal world didn't have color like this except on a high-def TV screen. It was too vivid, too glorious for mortal eyes. But this was no TV screen. This was real life, bleeding scarlet and gold everywhere the sunlight touched. 

The best colors were the ones that popped up unexpectedly. The bright white of a lichen-covered log. The flash of an emerald green beetle zipping past her face. A brilliant blue butterfly sunning itself on a tree trunk. She stopped occasionally and drank in the colors with round eyes, wishing she could bottle them and stick them in her pack. They did something for her - something profound - and if she could bring a bit of heaven home with her, she would.

During one of her stops, she glanced back at Ben. She wanted to know if he saw heaven too, if the colors were soothing his soul like they were hers. What she saw made her smile. He was looking around him, bright and interested, not even aware of her watching him. His hands held both straps of his pack, and with his flannel he glowed scarlet like the autumn woods. It was beautiful, and Rey turned away before she could melt.

As they continued on, she tuned in to a different level of experience: sound. Beneath the color of the world, like the soundtrack of a film, lay a current of constant forest noise. The twittering of birds. The buzzing of bugs. The ratta-tat-tat of a woodpecker. The wind shaking the boughs of the pines and oaks, making them whisper to each other in unknown tongues. Occasionally, the distant snapping of branches joined the mix, announcing the presence of a forest native. Rey never saw them; she and Ben were too noisy in their trek, and no sane animal would get close to two huge beasts lumbering through the woods. Rey liked to imagine what the animals were, though - a young buck just beginning to grow his horns, or a slinky red fox with a fluffy white tail. There were plenty of deer and foxes out here, she knew, in this paradise barely touched by humankind.

Eventually she and Ben came to a large, rotten log fallen over the path. The brush was so thick on either side that they had little choice but to climb over. Rey glanced at Ben and waggled her eyebrows.

“Hey look, a place where your _ enormous body _will come in handy.”

“You mean it doesn’t usually?” he said, waggling his eyebrows right back. The look in his eyes made her face heat, and she turned away. _ Jesus Christ, Solo. _

Well, she wouldn’t let him get to her so easily. Stepping gingerly up to the log, she scanned its top - chest level for her - for anything she shouldn’t touch, like weird insect holes and poison ivy. Except for a swarm of ants off to the left, far enough away not to concern her, the coast was clear.

She smirked. “And here's where we're going to work together beautifully.” Turning around, she made eyes at Ben while she unbuckled her pack and set it atop the log.

“Lift me up,” she commanded, raising her arms.

He looked her up and down. “Wow. Rey Johnson, asking for help? I’m shocked.”

“I have ulterior motives.”

He laughed, and the rich, dark sound went straight to her crotch. Again, though, she didn’t show it. As she turned to face the log, arms raised expectantly, he stepped up behind her, grabbed her hips with his thick hands, and lifted. Using the boost, she caught the top of the log and scrambled up, relishing how his hands skated around to her ass.

She turned and dangled her legs off the side. “Well done, Mr. Solo. Now give me your pack.” She held out her hands.

Watching her with hungry eyes, he swung his pack off his shoulders and handed it to her. She pulled it up onto the log, then reached back out. “Now you.”

It was cute, and she knew it. At six foot three, Ben didn’t need her help to climb a damn log. But then again, it had never been about the log.

Ben smirked at her and took her hand, swallowing it in his massive paw. Then he pushed himself up, and she pulled, and just like that he was sitting on the log beside her, lanky limbs settling into place.

He was right next to her now, looking at her. His hair was falling over his forehead in just the way she liked, and his eyes were brown and warm, and--

\--shit, she couldn’t help it. She had to kiss him _ now. _

She gazed at him a moment, her affection shining so brightly out of her face she could feel it. Then she leaned in with a smile, tilting her head to catch his lips. He tilted his head to meet her, eyes gliding closed as he received her kiss.

It was her favorite thing, the way he looked in the seconds before a kiss. His eyes melted into pools of pure worship, his plush lips curved in expectation, and his eyelashes fluttered in an almost feminine way. It was beautiful, and she would’ve loved kissing him just to see that moment.

But then there was the kiss, and his lips - god, his lips. Pillowy and soft, with hints of scratchiness where the skin was chapped, just enough to add an intriguing edge. It was hard to resist biting those lips every single time. She wanted to sink her teeth into the softness, break the surface and drink the juice as it bled out.

But not now. Now was a sweet, loving kiss to remind him, _ Hey, I’m on your side. _She released his mouth with a gentle pop and pulled back, studying his face. “Ya did good,” she said warmly.

“Climbing the log?” he murmured. 

“Yep. And that was your reward.” 

Swiveling to the other side of the log, she grinned at him. “Now back to work!” she said, hopping to the ground and grabbing her pack.

After that, it was much harder to lose herself in the beauty of the woods. As they hiked up hills and into dells, she remained acutely aware of his body behind her, exuding warmth like a walking heat lamp. She could hear his breath too, coming in gentle animalian whuffs as he labored under the weight of his pack. And every time she looked back - something she did more and more of - he was watching her with eyes full of sin.

When he decided to roll his sleeves up past his forearms, she realized she couldn't look at him anymore, or they'd never get to the campsite. So she stared straight ahead, chewing her lip raw as she thought over the past few months.

\--

_ “Oh fuck. Oh fuck! _ Oh fuck!"

_ With loud, ragged cries, he pumped hard and deep into her. She clung tightly to him, breasts pressed into his chest, lips buried in his neck as he filled her with his seed. When his thrusts stopped and he collapsed on top of her, she stroked his back and kissed his jawline, his cheek, his ear. Her heart glowed like gold. It meant so much to her when he found release; it didn't always come easy, especially now. _

_ They held each other for a while, letting their sweat mingle. Rey listened as his pants slowed, turning into the calm, contented breaths of a man at peace. _

_ Then he began to tremble. Barely a second later, she felt moisture touch her neck. Alarmed, she glanced at him to find his eyes raw and wet. _

_ “Ben?” Her eyebrows knotted, and she shifted to look at him more directly. “Ben, what's wrong?” _

_ “Ah, fuck.” Sniffing, he wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. “He’s...he's going to die, Rey. He's going to die and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it.” _

_ His words stabbed her right in the chest. “Oh, Ben.” Reaching up, she pulled him back in, and when he began to outright sob, she held him tight. _

_ They stayed that way until the room turned dark, sliding inevitably toward the midsummer night. _

\--

When they reached the campsite, it was just starting to get dark, and the air had grown deliciously chilly. Smiling, Rey went to the center of the small clearing and stopped. There wasn't much to see, just leaf litter and an old, barren circle, marked by rocks, where campfires used to be. But the trees around the clearing felt friendly, and somewhere to the south a creek murmured.

Rey turned to Ben, her smile going solemn. She hardly needed to say it, but she did. “This is the place - where your family used to camp.”

Ben's eyes widened slightly. The rest of him came to a standstill - his feet, his expression - and stayed that way. As he looked around at the old fire pit, the leaf litter, the trees that had known his parents when they were young, his face remained utterly blank.

He wouldn't tell her what he was feeling. Rey knew this. He rarely did, not in the heat of the moment when speaking could mean breaking. But she watched him carefully anyway, her posture a quiet invitation. _ You can tell me anything. You know that, right? _

He stayed silent as the grave. Though she'd expected that, she couldn't help the sting of disappointment she felt. Sighing, she turned away from him and took off her pack. As she knelt with it, starting the arduous process of unzipping and undoing, she said, “I'll put up the tent. Why don't you leave your stuff and go look around?”

She could feel his eyes turn to her in silent question. _ Do you _ want _ me to go look around? _

She kept her back turned in answer. _ Yeah, that'd be awesome, thanks. _

A moment later she heard the muffled thump of him depositing his pack on the ground. With a sniff and a stretch deep enough she could hear, he shuffled southward toward the murmuring creek.

Despite the pain in her chest, Rey smiled a little to herself. That's exactly what she would've done: head toward the water. Not just for survival reasons, but for sheer love and fascination for it.

They had their disagreements, but at the end of the day, she and Ben Solo really were the same.

\--

Ben walked thoughtfully through the brush, hands in his pockets, trying not to feel guilty - or feel anything, really. Instead he focused on the growing chill in the tip of his nose; the hot breath on his upper lip; the crunch of dead leaves beneath his boots; the scratchy comfort of his flannel shirt. All of it rooted him, kept him from being swept away by the turmoil he couldn't share with her. By the knowledge of what this place was.

_ They were here. _The thought beat inside him like his heart in his ribcage. He chewed the inner skin of his cheek, and in his pockets his hands curled in on themselves.

They were young then. Happy, maybe, even if they argued like Maz said. He hadn't come along to complicate their lives yet, so they could've gone camping whenever they damn well pleased. Must've been nice for them.

He could just see them in his mind. His mom, hair long as a hippie's, eyes sparkling like the night sky. His dad, dashing and rogueish, with a permanent smirk etched on his face. They must've loved it out here; the place really suited them. Dad would've drunk fire-brewed coffee out of a tin cup and claimed it was as good as the fancy espresso drinks back home. And Mom - well, Mom, like a fucking Disney princess, would've known the name of every bird in these damn woods. She would've tried to teach Dad their names until she realized he didn't care. Then she would've rolled her eyes. Just because Han Solo won't learn a chickadee from a whippoorwill, she would've said, doesn't mean their names don't matter.

So why did she never bring her son out here? Teach _ him _ their names?

The question echoed over and over inside him, hurting every time. When he finally reached the creek - small, but cheerful - his heart felt raw, like someone had rubbed it with sandpaper. As he stopped by the water, listening to it gurgle, he tried to pay attention, to really see what was happening around him. But he couldn't. A veil had been drawn over his eyes, and all was pain, bright red pain.

Tears streamed down his face. He sniffed, wiping them away with his sleeve, but they kept coming. Eventually he gave up and let them run. His nose, too, even though its drippings chilled his lip. It didn't matter. If the past few months were any indication, these tears would flow for a long, long time.

Suddenly, as he stood staring blindly at the creek, something happened. In the space of a few seconds, the sounds around him grew louder - louder, louder - until, like a lightbulb, they shattered into silence. He looked up and saw the colors fading, turning the trees an ashy grey, except for one spot further up the creek bed.

There, a person stood pale green against the grey. Ben froze, recognizing him instantly.

Dad.

He was wearing his favorite leather jacket, and his hair was at the length he'd kept it before the chemo. But, in a horrible twist, his eyes were white as death, his skin pale and rotten. Some of his skin was missing altogether, showing the bone beneath.

He didn't do anything at first. He just stood there, hands by his sides, watching Ben with a face full of pain. Then his mouth began to open and close, open and close, as if he were trying desperately to speak. Gaps in his cheeks sagged open every time, and inside Ben could see the white of his teeth and the rotten grey lump of his tongue.

Ben stared at him for an eternal moment, heart pounding. Then he remembered to blink, and it broke the spell long enough to let him look away. He turned his back and shut his eyes. 

“It's not real,” he whispered raggedly. “Not real, not real…”

By the time he mustered the courage to look back, the apparition was gone. The colors of autumn faded slowly back into existence, and with them, the cruelly cheerful sound of bubbling water.


	3. Campfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben almost have sex, but he has a panic attack. Rey is devastated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this made me sad.

For dinner that night, they had spaghetti with premade meat sauce. It wasn't a hard dish to throw together, and, as Rey attempted to explain, she always prioritized easy meals on hiking days. Tomorrow they'd have something more elaborate - instant chicken noodle soup, she joked.

Her words fell on deaf ears. Ben's mood had darkened considerably over the past two hours, and he was no longer paying attention to anything she said. In fact, he seemed worse than he'd been even on the car ride. His mouth was skewed in a frown, and as he picked at his bowl of pasta, he stared hard into the campfire. 

At first Rey was frustrated. Goddammit, he'd said he would try, and this didn't look like trying. But as they ate in silence and Rey continued to watch him, her frustration shifted to a deep concern.

Something was tormenting Ben. She wasn't sure what, but he seemed… afraid. Every time a branch snapped or an acorn fell out in the woods, he jumped, nearly spilling his spaghetti. One time he dropped his fork, and as he picked it up, Rey noticed he was shaking.

After ten minutes of this, Rey couldn't take it anymore. Setting her empty bowl on the ground, she looked straight at him. “Ben, what's going on?”

The logs collapsed in the fire, making sparks fly. Ben jumped again, then cast a vague glance in her general direction.

“What?” he asked. His tone suggested he didn't actually care what she'd said. He wanted to be left alone.

“Ben.” Rey stood and dragged her log closer to him. Putting a hand on his arm, she stared at him until, like a magnet, her gaze drew his. For the first time since he'd returned to the campsite, he truly saw her, and it seemed to make him feel vulnerable. His eyes went wide, and his mouth formed a tight, straight line that said, _ Be gentle with me_.

“Please, Ben. Tell me what's going on. You're obviously suffering, and” - she took his hand and squeezed it - “I want to help you. Please. Will you let me?"

Crickets droned in the background as she waited to see if her request, softly spoken, had landed on fertile soil. His brows knotted, and his eyes searched hers, a subtle warmth lighting their brown depths. It was like a campfire had sprung to life inside, Rey thought. 

She knew then that, for once, he was letting her in.

“Rey… I'm sorry.” He sighed deeply. “I'm being ridiculous. I just... I keep thinking something’s out there. Coming for me.” 

He shook his head, looking down at their joined hands. “You must think I'm a coward.”

“Of course not. Why would I ever think that? Besides, something _ is _ out there. It's just not coming for you.”

“Yeah? What?”

“Animals.” She smiled brightly. “Lots of them come out at night around here. Skunks, opossums… all kinds. This place is alive after dark. So, even if it feels like it, we're not alone.”

She scooted even closer. Her other hand came to rest on his arm, stroking gently.

“_You're _not alone.”

He gazed at her, the warmth building in his eyes. His lips twitched in that nervous way of his, drawing her attention once more to their pillowy softness.

God, she thought, licking her own lips. How could any man have such a gorgeous mouth? It wasn't fair. In fact, it was criminal.

Her smile softened. Leaning in slightly, she watched him as he registered what was about to happen, watched as his eyes melted into those pools of worship and his eyelashes fanned across them like downy feathers. Then, nudging his nose out of the way, she kissed him. His eyes closed, and he reached up to cradle her face in one hand. 

It was as sweet a moment as she could've hoped for, and she couldn't help but smile anew. He broke their kiss to give her a smile of his own.

“What?” he murmured against her lips.

“I'm just glad I'm here with you.” She brushed noses with him. “And I'm glad I've been here for you through all this.”

The death of his father, she meant. And all that Ben had gone through in the months before and since.

He hardly knew what to think of that. She could see the turmoil in his eyes - the confusion, the gratitude, the awe. Then something else arose, drowning out all else: hunger. His expression flattened. Pulling her in, he kissed her again - and again - and again - until it was clear he had only one thing on his mind.

Good, Rey thought. He wouldn't have the energy to be afraid if he was too busy fucking her.

Standing up, she stepped over and dropped into his lap, straddling his thighs. As soon as she landed, he caught her ass and squeezed so hard she gasped. After a long, hard stare, he reached up to push her head down to his, mouth opening wide to swallow her tongue.

She rewarded him with as much passion as she could muster. As their tongues tangled, he groaned appreciatively. Beneath her crotch, she could feel his cock pushing through the denim of his jeans. It lit a fire in her belly, and she spread her legs farther to grind her clit on the hard lump, moaning at the sensation.

His breath hitched. Releasing her lips, he dropped his head back, eyes rolling in pleasure. As she kept grinding against him, he groaned aloud, hands gliding up her hips.

Oh, he _ needed _this. She could feel it in every worshipful touch, hear it in every stuttering breath.

She touched her forehead to his. “Come to the tent,” she whispered, drilling into him with her eyes.

She didn't need to tell him twice. Tugging her thighs around him, he stood up so quickly she yelped. He hushed her with a ravenous open-mouth kiss, holding her flush with his body as he stepped carefully toward the tent. She responded by wrapping her arms around his massive shoulders, heart thrilling.

They hadn't done this in so long. Would they finally?

The tent was barely big enough for the two of them. He had to duck to squeeze through the doorway, and though he never let go of her, she squealed and clung to his neck. When he'd managed to wrestle his way inside, he dropped her on their overlapping sleeping bags and followed her down to claim her lips again. She grinned into their kiss, wrapping her arms and legs even more tightly around him.

She would _ not _ let him get away this time. She wanted him now. Tonight. Please.

Despite her plea to the skies, it didn't last. All too soon, as they kissed and moved together - before she could even start unbuttoning his flannel - the worst happened. Out in the woods, an animal crashed suddenly through the undergrowth. Ben jerked away from her, searching the dark with wide eyes. Rey turned her head to look toward the sound - a useless endeavor, since it was on the other side of the tent - then looked at Ben. His back was rigid, his arms trembling as they held him up.

_ No. No, please. _

She grabbed his shoulders. “Ben? Ben, sweetheart, listen to me. It's just an animal. Okay? A skunk, or an... an opossum.”

It was too late. He was already breathing harder, his limbs going stiff. He looked down at her and started to speak, his voice coming in panicked bursts. “I'm… sorry. Rey, I'm sorry. I--”

“No, no. Shh, it's okay. Come here.” 

Drawing him in, she wrapped him in her arms and held him close. As he fought to control his breathing, she rubbed his trembling back and whispered, “Deep breaths, sweetheart. That's it. Breathe in. Breathe out...”

Inside, she felt like she was bleeding. But she ignored it, locking her hopes away in the deepest caverns of her body, where she'd kept them for months now. 

She'd survived without his love for this long. What was a little while longer?

\--

His panic attack lasted longer than most: thirty minutes, a new record. As he lay in the tent and focused on breathing, Rey fetched him a cup of water from the batch she'd boiled earlier. The moon, round and golden, peeked through the trees to watch her. She looked up at it, and for a moment she let her feelings show, let her dashed hopes come out from the cavern she'd shoved them in.

_ Why is this happening? _ she thought to the moon. _ I just want him. Not for long. Just for a few minutes, _ please.

Though there was no way to know, she felt as if the moon had actually heard her. Its golden face gazed down at her with something akin to compassion, and in a flash she understood why so many people had worshipped the moon for so long. There was a wisdom to her, a deep-seated understanding.

_ All things pass with time. Even this, _ came a gentle whisper in her soul. _ Just have patience. Soon you will be rewarded. _

Tears filled her eyes, blurring the moon’s face. Part of her wanted to say thank you, even though she suspected the answer had come from within her. She took a breath, formed the first syllable with her mouth--

\--and a large, heavy branch snapped near the clearing, stealing the words from her lips.

Rey's stomach flipped. She turned to look into the darkness, trying to quash her alarm but failing. That had been close - too close. And it had sounded different somehow, like no animal she'd ever heard.

She nearly called, “Hello?” But she stopped herself. Ben would hear, and that was the last thing he needed right now. So she settled for searching the darkness with her eyes, mentally anchoring herself to the moon at her back. _ With her, I am stronger. _

Nothing. If there was something out there, something other than an animal, it was deathly silent now. Gripping the cup of water in her hand - oh yeah, she still had that - Rey backed away from the darkness and turned to go to the tent.

No matter how many strange sounds she heard in the woods, she couldn't afford to get spooked now. She had a boyfriend to take care of - and she wouldn't let even the hounds of hell stop her.


End file.
